Breaking Points

It's been four weeks since the collision and we've all hit the wall (except Jon who is somehow managing his "business as usual" composure). This will be a long one, so grab a beverage and settle in.

On Tuesday Tristan started having stabbing chest pains. They only occurred when he tried swallowing food and drink, which was odd, but it was painful for him and worrisome for us all. I called the Swedish nurse line and after the nurse spoke with Tristan she asked me to take him to Urgent Care. It goes without saying that Tristan has zero interest in seeing more doctors, much less returning to an Urgent Care, Emergency Room or Hospital. That feeling is 100% understandable after what he's been through, but given the concern for blood clots we couldn't afford the risk, and sadly had to force him to go.

We went to the Overlake Urgent care and after a short visit with a PA, we were instructed to go to the emergency room. His main concern was that Tristan might have a blood clot that had traveled to the lungs or heart which is something they aren't equipped to treat at Urgent Care. The anxiety Tristan and I both felt while loading him back into the car was painfully obvious. After weeks of telling him the worst was over and that it would only get better, I felt like the ultimate deceiver. The drive to the Swedish ER, while short in distance, provided ample time to worry over the possible causes of his chest pain and what was to come.

More pain, more needles, more tests. To begin checking off the potential causes, the doctor ordered an EKG, chest x-rays, bloodwork, and a CT scan. We were in the ER for four uncomfortable hours while they worked to rule out anything life-threatening (e.g.: pulmonary embolism). I say uncomfortable because Tristan struggles to find comfort anywhere other than in the bed we have for him at home. You'll note in the second picture his displaced rib on the lower right which, when paired with his abdominal incision and femur rod, make most positions nothing better than varying degrees of uncomfortable. In addition to the bed adding to his discomfort, the team who moved him into position for the CT scan caused wrenching pain in both his abdomen and leg - despite doing their best to move him with care.

The good: at the end of the night they were able to rule out pneumonia, blood clots, and heart issues. The not so good: the assumption was that he's having GI issues, so we were sent home with a prescription for Prilosec and a referral to a Gastroenterologist. More medications and more painful trips to Seattle to see yet another specialist = more anxiety and frustration for Tristan.

Wednesday morning we gave Tristan the first dose of Prilosec, and made sure he sat up while eating and for at least 20 minutes afterwards. Sitting up causes him a lot of discomfort along his abdomen incision, so he's been eating and drinking while slightly reclined, and the doctor thought this may be the root cause of the presumed GI issues and chest pain. We also eliminated all fruit and switched from his beloved Orange Dream Machine smoothie to a chocolate/peanut butter combo. At this point trying to get any food, or even liquids, in him without it causing stomach or chest pain has become nearly impossible. This not only makes one feel like a failure as a parent - after all, feeding your child is one of the most basic responsibilities of a mother - but it's making his twice-daily blood thinner shots increasingly more painful. These are supposed to be injected into the abdominal fat (keeping two inches away from his incision), but he has no fat to inject it into. He has lost a lot of weight during the last four weeks and he didn't have any weight to lose. But...I digress. As the day went on Tristan started developing a rash (seen in second picture) but we don't know if it was a reaction to the iodine in the contrast that was injected for the CT scan, or if it's from the Prilosec. We've cut out the latter and have been giving him Benadryl since Thursday morning, and while it's slightly less red and itchy, it hasn't gone away. The in-home nurse made a visit yesterday for wound-care and we laid it all out for her, which she is in turn going to communicate to our primary care doctor.

So, after having to go against Tristan's wishes to schedule an appointment for today with the GI Specialist, I have since cancelled the appointment. I refuse to put him through any more discomfort in the car, testing by doctors, or experimenting with additional medications until he's at least had a few days to recover both physically and emotionally.

While we're here...let's talk about the emotional side. As you can imagine it's stressful for Tristan to be in the car now, surrounded by the well-known aggressive drivers of the Seattle area. So any time we have to go to his doctor appointments, it not only causes him physical pain, but it brings on anxiety as well. Now we'll add to that the second punch of the month which was having to surrender the first motorcycle he purchased from an old co-worker (who was moving out of state) because said old co-worker didn't bother to pay off his loan, but rather took the money Tristan paid him and disappeared. This was all discovered when I went to the DOL (attempting to tie up some loose ends for Tristan) to register the bike in his name. There was back and forth with the DOL and the finance company, but we finally discovered the loan had been sent to collections and they sent a repo company to our home to recover the bike. A hard lesson for Tristan, but he'll be sure on any future purchases that the owner provides the title in addition to the bill of sale and registration. This was the breaking point for me, and for the first time in my life I lashed out at someone on social media. No, it doesn't solve anything because the kid likely won't reply, much less rectify the situation, but it was the only thing I could "do" to tell the world enough!!!

The third punch came the same day when we got the call from the auto shop stating that Tristan's car, which we had taken in for an overall check, isn't safe to drive and that they couldn't even begin to offer a quote on the cost to fix it due to the amount of repairs - both obvious and not - required to make it street-safe again. Now this car is Tristan's baby and his pet project. He loves working on cars - something he won't be able to do again for quite a while - and had grand plans for his 98 BMW. Now, however, he's faced with the brutal reality that it isn't cost effective to try and fix it, so he'll be parting it out and looking for an inexpensive replacement. This was the breaking point for Tristan. Nearly losing your life along with losing both of your motorcycles and car in one month is a helluva lot to process. This kid has done his best to be stoic and positive throughout this disaster, but everyone has their limit.

Now let's get to the fourth and most offensive punch. Tristan noticed yesterday that the driver who hit him not only had the audacity to troll his social media, but said driver also "followed" him on Instagram and even took it one step further by going through his posts and "liking" one from 2019. To say this was unsettling and disturbing for Tristan is an understatement. We instructed him to block the person immediately and to lock down all of his social media accounts. I emailed the information (and screenshot) to the attorneys and informed them of the situation.

So let's talk about Momma Bear Rage (MBR). The amount of pain this person has already caused our family is beyond calculation - there's simply no way to measure or express it - but this adds insult to injury and I'm furious. The nerve of this person is unbelievable...unfathomable...unforgiveable. And while there are many things I would love to say and do at this moment, I will choose to eat the rage that is bubbling at the base of my throat and burning in my chest. My focus needs to be on caring for Tristan, and there's no room for rage in that space. He will, after all, have his day in court and our entire family will face this person and do our best to describe the damage their choice has caused.

In the meantime, we'll focus on being grateful for the support of you all. Thankfully, with the generosity that has been shown through the GoFundMe site, Tristan will be able to use a small amount to acquire a daily driver, while saving the majority of it for the medical costs not covered by insurance. We know it's going to be a long road and we appreciate you traveling with us. Wishing you all a happy and peaceful weekend.